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Why, and When, Leaving Your Marriage Is the Right Decision

Love is the source of all things good and bad. It can be the reason for you to make someone a permanent part of your life, and it can also be the reason you can’t let go of that person. When the relationship becomes toxic, love can the source of your suffering.

It’s like getting addicted to a substance. As bad as it is for you, you had already become dependent on it that letting go isn’t an easy option. A bad marriage can do as much damage to you as synthetic drugs do to abusers. And much like rehabilitation, it can take years before you can rid of it from your system.

A struggle to accept reality

Every person who has been in a long-term relationship, particularly those who got married, knows this struggle: do you stay in a bad relationship, or do you take your chance out there?

It’s a question that’s supposed to be easy to answer because people move on from people all the time. But given that both of you invested years in the relationship, there will be a lot of back-and-forths before you can fully decide.

Hoping for the good times

Assuming that you want to leave, it still won’t be easy. Every time you think you’re ready, you’re reminiscing and hoping that the good times will come back. It’s even harder when you have a family because you want them growing up with the support they need, which can be hard to achieve when both parents are divorced.

There’s also the more practical stuff. The financial consequences won’t be easy, and it will take some time before you fully adjust to your new situation.

All these things instill a fear in a person that makes them afraid of what’s to come after a marriage. Even if the marriage isn’t working anymore, it’s much easier holding on to something than taking your chance at nothing.

Your bad marriage is bad for you

It’s hard to see that your marriage, or your spouse, is bad for you from the inside. After all, you still see the best version of the person you married. But there are telltale signs when your marriage is just plain bad for you.

When you find yourself lying about your relationship, that’s already one major point. When you do other things like thinking solely about their happiness, solve all the problems or feel miserable all the time, that means there’s something wrong with the relationship. More so, when the other person is too controlling, advice you cut ties from people, makes you feel bad about yourself or takes it for granted when they upset you, it’s just not good anymore.

You’re not crazy to consider leaving

When you think of marriage as an investment, something you’ve given years of your life to, other people may think you crazy to consider leaving. But it’s different when you know it from the inside, to know that coming back will only drag you down and make you cynical.

More than that, there are things that happen on the inside that will prove that you’re not out of your mind to leave. When you’re being manipulated, feeling that even considering divorce will put the blame on you, or retaliation is a possibility, you’re better off any time of the day.

Happens to guys, too

All men have heard iterations of “Stay away from the crazies” in their lives. Sometimes, it’s too late and they married one. It’s the same story of manipulation, retaliation, and misery that happens to women in a bad marriage, but many think that men just endure it. They suffer too, as much as women.

There are also cases that are more common to men in bad marriages. They start to think that they’re crazy to avoid putting the blame on the other party, who is the source of instability in the relationship. Some men also have spouses who routinely accuse them of things they haven’t done, it will drain you of your energy, always trying to prove them wrong when you haven’t done anything.

But one thing most guys won’t admit is that they get off feeling superior when they stay in a dysfunctional relationship. Their actions may not be as detrimental as their partners, but by staying and liking the feeling that your partner is not doing well in the relationship while you hold up your own, it’s not good. As much as you think that you’re there to save the marriage, you’re only there because you’re indulging your sense of righteousness. Not only are you not able to confront your flaws, the moral authority you occupy can only lead to bad things.

Making preparations

As a married person, it’s never going to be easy to leave. That’s why making preparations is wise, so that you have everything you need, told people you have to tell, and mentally ready yourself for what’s to come.

Inform your loved ones – At this point, you should let people know what you’ve been going through. Hearing their thoughts and having their support can do your moral good. It’s also much better if you don’t have to go experience separation alone. In most cases, the presence of family and friends is the most important to have in this trying period.

Create a safety net – For the most part, you’re going to learn to be independent. So think long and hard about what you need to have once the two of you decided to part ways. Make sure you know where you’ll live, what you need to bring with you, and so on. When you finally make your revelations, you don’t need to stay in the same place as your spouse.

Seek professional help – Even if you decide to do the leaving because the relationship is toxic, it doesn’t mean that you’re not without faults. You probably have flaws that played a part in the deterioration of the relationship, so don’t go into your next phase thinking you got out unscathed. You have work to do, too.

Your health depends on it

A marriage can be the most fulfilling thing you’ve ever done, but when it goes awry, it has the potential to ruin you. Most times, it tears apart someone’s perception of love and relationship, but a study published in the American Psychologist said that there’s substantial evidence that a bad relationship can worsen ailments like a heart disease. People in bad marriages develop destructive habits like smoking, drinking or gaining weight, which can all be bad when combined with a pre-existing cardiovascular condition.

Staying doesn’t mean healthy

There are sound justifications for staying in a bad marriage. The children, for one, can be a powerful influence in the lives of parents. Them alone can convince a parent to endure a damaging relationship indefinitely, but parents are at risk in this situation.

However healthy it seems, a bad marriage can push you to do things that will ruin your connection with your spouse completely. Staying can be the source of infidelity, contemptuous behavior, violent behavior, use of drugs, and a host of other destructive attitudes. Not only are you destroying yourself, you’ll also be affecting your family.

Moving forward

Once all is said and done, the one factor that will heal things is time. It’s important to recover because as damaging as a bad relationship is, the sadness and blame that come after are also major hurdles. Counseling will help, but make sure to take time for yourself. Process the breakup, gain perspective of things, and know what part you played in the rapture.

You persevered longer than you should, and you’ll go through more before you get to a place where you’re at peace with what happened. People who went through the same thing say that it’s like a shell shock. That’s why a transition period is important, so you can recover and rebuild what was lost when you were trying to save a sinking ship. It takes a lot more from you than you think.

It’s kind of crazy that separation is step one, but like every new start, it has to come from somewhere. It’s a hard road from here, but without the baggage, it will be a lot less like escaping a sinkhole and more like climbing a ladder.

https://www.marriage.com/blog/relationship/leaving-your-marriage-is-the-right-decision/

Learning From Failed Marriages

My father always said, “nothing ventured, nothing gained.”  I try to keep that in mind when I’m asked about marriage.  Talking about marriage is something I dislike.  It always makes me feel like a loser, when I say I have been not one, not two but thre times.

I don’t want to go into the story of my life with the people that find themselves superior to me because their marriages endured. It is especially annoying when they determine that all three of my marriages don’t add up to the totality of their single marriage.

Does it matter that the love of my life died within four years of our vows to each other?  Does it matter that I became a single parent three times in my life?  Does it matter that I raised five stepchildren into adulthood? I think it doesn’t, to these narrow-minded people who like to praise themselves for their amazing achievement.

There are no perfect couples.  Of course, it goes without saying that marriage is hard work.  So what secret did these couples poses to aid them in their ability to withstand the test of time?

Why do marriages succeed?

After many years of concentrated thought, I have come to the conclusion that it was purely luck and timing. It was luck because the two people involved chose a partner that gave them the freedom to be themselves.  This is not a matter of age or advanced wisdom.  This is strictly not demanding their views on marriage and life to be their partners.  It is accepting the partner as they are and not as the other wants them to be.  It was timing because there is a readiness within each person on life’s central questions:  work obligations, socializing, children or no children, advanced education, travel, family commitments.

Any one of these central questions can be a deal breaker.  For example, a person wants children and the partner doesn’t.  Or a person wants to travel around the world, and the partner doesn’t. Or a person wants to pursue an advanced degree, and the partner sees this only as a waste of time and money.  These are all examples of timing.

Failed marriages gave me experience

So instead of feeling like a loser, I feel like I ventured more than once.  I feel like the experience and knowledge that I gained from each marriage made me the person that I am today.

Who is that person?  It is a person that dared to give and love to the very best of her ability.  It is a person that has learned to be content alone.  It is a person that has grown exponentially through every experience.  It is a person that sends love and admiration to all fellow travelers who ventured more than once.

https://www.marriage.com/blog/inspiration/learning-from-failed-marriages/

White Ribbon on the power of White Ribbon as a movement of change not just one Day

Recent public conversation has questioned the benefit of White Ribbon Day including the use of the funds raised through this annual day.

White Ribbon Day is an annual awareness initiative held on one day of the year.  However it is one small part of the much larger White Ribbon social change movement that operates 365 days a year.

The day focuses the attention of the community on the issue of the prevention of men’s violence against women and gender equality by asking the community to become aware, engaged and help prevent violence towards women.

White Ribbon drives prevention to stop men’s violence against women before it occurs through:

  • Education programs in primary and secondary schools, supporting teachers and the community to build respectful relationships amongst young people
  • Workplace Accreditation to foster a culture of respect and equality in all workplaces
  • Work with organisations at community level to raise awareness of the significant role men play in the disrespect of women, and the important actions they can take to remedy this societal problem
  • Develop a range of important resources for the community, including free eLearning and factsheets
  • Advocating for change across areas of community where ongoing reform is required to help stop violence and support those who experience violence.

As a grassroots organisation, owned and driven by the community, White Ribbon relies mostly on funding from the community it serves, receiving only limited funds from the federal and state governments.

White Ribbon’s aim is to prevent all forms of disrespect and violence which women experience and works with both male ambassadors and female advocates (including survivors of domestic violence), to raise awareness and create change. Through education, awareness raising, preventative programs and partnerships, White Ribbon provide the tools for men to stop violence against women in their community and beyond.

Alongside its own activities, White Ribbon works with many other domestic violence, family safety and community organisations to ensure that Australia has a connected response to the unacceptable levels of violence in our community.

White Ribbon Day is the most well-known bystander campaign day to prevent violence against women in Australia. But it is part of the all year round social change movement that is bringing about positive change.

White Ribbon thanks all supporters for their commitment to building a safer Australia for women and their children.

https://www.whiteribbon.org.au/2017/11/22/white-ribbon-power-white-ribbon-movement-change-not-just-one-day/

Domestic Violence and Abuse

Abuse as a concept is described as the cruel and violent treatment of another person. However, understanding domestic violence and abuse and all of its complexities is far more difficult to define. The term abuse can refer to a large number of behaviors and actions but one characteristic remains the same: the intent of an action is to harm another individual. This harm can be emotional, psychological, or physical in nature, but the impact is severe and affects the victim’s ability to function normally.

The ways in which abuse is categorized can vary depending on the professional with whom you are speaking. The most basic list of categories includes: emotional, psychological, verbal, and physical abuse. None of these is exclusive in its definition as oftentimes the symptoms of one are very similar to the others. For example, someone experiencing physical abuse by way of slapping or hitting is likely also experiencing belittlement with words, restriction of communication with others, and made to feel insignificant or worthless. Subtypes such as neglect and sexual abuse typically find their home in the physical abuse category as both inflict some sort of bodily harm on the victim.

Red flags that indicate domestic violence and abuse

Many who have experienced domestic violence and abuse in any form for long periods of time or from a number of people in their lives have difficulty distinguishing unhealthy relationship patterns and the dangers of prolonged abuse.  Since abuse can present in a variety of ways, there is no exact combination of signs to look for in potentially abusive relationships. However, there are several significant red flags that, when present, indicate a closer look may need to be taken to determine whether or not the relationship’s patterns are healthy. If your or someone you know is experiencing the following behaviors or actions, pay close attention as intervention may be necessary.

Are you or is someone you love…

  • Afraid of the partner?
  • Sometimes lie to family and friends to cover up abusive behavior?
  • Careful of what is said and done when with the partner so he/she doesn’t get angry?
  • Constantly criticized by the partner despite efforts to please him/her?
  • Embarrassed by the partner in front of family and friends?
  • Put down about accomplishments or goals rather than praised?
  • Threatened, grabbed, shoved, or hit by the partner?
  • Checked up on frequently or given time limits for things such as shopping trips or visits with friends and family?
  • Prevented from spending time with family or friends?
  • Choosing to stay with the partner for fear of what he/she might do if the relationship ended?
  • Unjustly and repeatedly accused by the partner of having affairs or cheating?
  • Not allowed to earn or keep money?
  • Ever been abandoned in a dangerous place or had personal property destroyed?
  • Manipulated with lies and threats?

If the answer to several of these questions is yes, it is likely you or your loved one is being abused. Domestic violence or abuse is not consensual. It is a pattern of behaviors used to maintain power and control over someone else. You are not alone! There is help available.

What can you do help the victims of domestic violence and abuse

If you know someone who has experiences like these, the most important thing to do is to listen and let the person talk. Assure the person that whatever they share will be kept confidential; you likely already have a level of trust with that individual. Inform them of their options but do not make the decisions for the person – he/she likely experiences that regularly. Be aware of specific places the individual can go for help – know what is available in your community! Shelters, crisis lines, legal advocates, outreach programs, and community agencies are all excellent and easily reachable resources. And last, but most important, be supportive of the victim. They are not at fault for the choices and actions of their abuser.

There has long been a stigma or taboo surrounding the idea of abuse and both its long and short term effects. Many individuals are blamed for the actions of their abusers and often led to believe they are responsible for the maltreatment to which they are exposed. It is the responsibility of communities to increase awareness of abuse and to destigmatize it in a way that allows the victims to feel supported.

https://www.marriage.com/advice/domestic-violence-and-abuse/

How to keep holiday-induced stress under control

As the classic Alfred Burt carol goes, “there’s many and many a thing to do,” this holiday season — and only so much time to fit everything in. Add quirky family dynamics and the pressure to make the holiday season the most wonderful time of the year, and you’re looking at an overstuffed cornucopia of holiday-induced anxiety.

“It’s a time of year when energy and anticipation start to build. As the holidays draw near, both excitement and stress become intertwined,” says Dr. Nada Milosavljevic, a board certified physician and founder of the Integrative Health Program at Massachusetts General Hospital. She explains that while this is an exciting season filled with joyful celebrations, re-connections and quality time with those we cherish most, it can also be a breeding ground for anxiety. Plus, there is often an overwhelming pressure to get everything done — and to do it immaculately — and financial concerns in regards to buying gifts can raise the stakes. “We all know that giving is better for the soul than receiving, but sometimes the task of giving during the holidays can be overwhelming,” Milosavlievic says. The holidays can also make people feel particularly lonely or dissatisfied with their current social or familial situation.

 

To overcome holiday anxiety, you must be aware that you’re stressed in the first place. Sometimes the signs are blatant, but that’s not always the case.

“[Holiday] distress usually shows itself in one of two ways,” says psychologist Acacia Parks, Ph.D., the chief scientist at Happify and associate editor at the Journal of Positive Psychology.

  • Irritability: “Some people show their stress by putting frenetic energy into trying to ‘fix’ things,” says Parks. “They become irritable, which can make things more stressful by stressing out family and friends.”
  • Withdrawal: Another common response to stress, she says, is withdrawal and despondency, which can cause someone to give up on their to-do list and holiday commitments, or disengage completely. This can present as sadness, anger and feelings of bitterness.
  • Other symptoms: People with chronic stress or anxiety may also experience frequently disrupted sleep, an inability to focus or feel scattered. Dr. Milosavljevic notes that physical symptoms may occur as well, and include gastrointestinal upset, fatigue, frequent colds due to a compromised immune system, muscle soreness and tension and headaches.

SIMPLE STRATEGIES FOR A MORE RELAXING SEASON

When you feel the stress of the season taking hold, here are some effective measures you can take to better manage commitments and set a positive tone by taping into feelings associated with the season.

BE MINDFUL: “Mindfulness is all about noticing how you are feeling and just letting it happen,” explained Dr. Parks. “Often, people feel anxious about the holidays and they think that ‘means’ something; the holiday will go badly, they will disappoint others, that they have to do something about it…” They feel compelled to actively deal with a perceived threat when there’s no threat at all, or the ‘threat’ is very minimal. The world will still go ‘round, and your holiday will still be enjoyable, even if you forget the cream at the grocery store or send your cards a few days late. “If you can learn to notice that you feel worried and just let that happen, it frees you up to make your own choices about what you want to do instead of being ruled by anxiety,” says Parks.

CREATE A GAME PLAN: “Jot down those things that matter most,” said Dr. Milosavljevic. “For example, spending time with family and friends, spiritual or religious commitments and any other items that make the holidays especially meaningful.” If you begin to feel overwhelmed, review your list and let it remind you of what’s most important. For more task-oriented “to-dos,” create three separate lists and conquer them in this order: urgent must-do, must-do, optional. This allows you to prioritize, organize, curb procrastination (a catalyst for anxiety) and ultimately get more done with less stress.

SAVOR THE LITTLE MOMENTS: Savoring is a wonderful and effective way to ground yourself in the present moment and to find true joy in what’s happening in front of you. “When you eat, take the time to appreciate everything about the food — the temperature, the different flavors and textures and components of the dish, how it looks,” said Dr. Parks. “You can do the same thing for the experience of being in a room with loved ones, riding in the car as a family to a celebration, tucking your kids in the night before Christmas or anything that has meaning to you.”

START A POSITIVE PIGGY BANK: “If you’re having trouble keeping track of the good things that happen around the holidays, consider doing what [psychologist] Afton Hassett calls a ‘positive piggy bank,’” advises Dr. Parks. “Have your household write down good things as they happen for the weeks leading up to the holidays — and the holidays themselves — and deposit those slips of paper into a jar, piggy bank, or box.” Think: something kind that a stranger did for you, a homemade card your child brought home from school or free time to curl up on the couch and watch a corny Christmas movie. When the holiday arrives, take turns reading the pieces of paper aloud so you can re-experience those happy moments and remind yourself of all the good that took place amidst the buzz.

MAKE NEW TRADITIONS: “When dealing with a change, like divorce, some people find it useful to mix things up and try a new tradition, rather than trying to recreate an old tradition that is no longer possible. You’re less likely to notice a hole where a person used to be if the holiday gets shuffled around so much that nobody has a ‘place.’” It’s okay to feel sad or poignant, and it doesn’t mean anything about the quality of your holiday. In fact, making new memories and connecting over past memories can create stronger bonds between family and friends.

Ultimately, finding joy in the holidays boils down to mindfully cherishing time spent with family and friends, only committing to the things that are most important to you and managing self-imposed expectations. By doing this, you’ll be on your way to overcoming the pressure of creating a “perfect holiday,” and you may even learn to cherish the inevitable imperfections along the way.

HOLIDAY SURVIVAL GUIDE

https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/how-survive-thanksgiving-when-politics-loom-large-ncna821206

New paper calls on insurers to change their attitudes to mental health

beyondblue welcomes the release of The Actuaries Institute of Australia’s ‘Mental Health and Insurance Green Paper’.

beyondblue and Mental Health Australia have been working with the insurance industry since 2002 to change policies and practices that can result in people with mental health conditions being denied cover, charged higher premiums or having their claims rejected.

“The Green Paper will help to prompt change and add to beyondblue’s work in advocating for insurance products and practices to reflect 21st century community expectations around depression, anxiety and suicide risk,” said beyondblue CEO Georgie Harman.

In 2011 beyondblue and Mental Health Australia conducted a survey that confirmed people with mental health conditions experienced difficulty and discrimination when applying for and claiming on insurance.

This was followed in 2017 with beyondblue research to measure the extent and nature of insurance discrimination against people with mental health conditions and gather first person accounts. The results of this research will be released later this year.

“The Actuarial Institute’s Green Paper is a timely piece of work,” said Ms Harman.

“We have already seen some change in the industry with a handful of insurers removing blanket mental health exclusion clauses from travel insurance policies. But overall the pace is glacial.”

beyondblue wants insurers to assess the risk of cover and mental health-related claims using recent, relevant, real data and not outmoded attitudes and practices.

“There is a lot of data out there, but we do not believe the industry is using it properly,” Ms Harman said. “We are asking the industry to use contemporary evidence and data, and take individual circumstances into account instead of making broad assumptions about a person’s mental health and ability to function.

“We want insurers to stop indirectly discouraging people from seeking help to improve their mental health and well-being out of fear they will be denied insurance because they have – or once had – depression, anxiety or were touched by suicide.

“We also call on insurers to stop confusing symptoms, such as stress or insomnia, with diagnosable conditions such as anxiety and depression.”

Read The Actuaries Institute of Australia’s ‘Mental Health and Insurance Green Paper’.

Read about beyondblue’s work to stop discrimination by insurance providers.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/connect-with-others/news/news/2017/10/20/new-paper-calls-on-insurers-to-change-their-attitudes-to-mental-health

How to Cope with Divorce After 60

Once considered only a problem for thirty-somethings and forty-somethings, the “silver divorce” or “gray divorce” has become more common. In recent years there’s been a surge in the divorce rates for couples over the age of 60:

“One out of three boomers will face older age unmarried,” says Susan Brown, co-director of theNational Center for Family & Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University in her new study The Gray Divorce Revolution.

Being divorced at this age and stage of your life presents some unique challenges. Still, many people can thrive despite the circumstances by following a few simple steps.

Have the right team on your side

Find an attorney who specializes in divorce, as well as a financial advisor. Most women, especially, don’t know the benefits that are already available to them, such as alimony and pension after being married for more than 20 years.

When you decide to file for divorce or initiate a trial separation, make sure you document significant events. Use these events to help direct your conversation with your attorney. Document important dates like when you or your spouse moved out or made attempts to reconcile. Dates where your spouse took money from your joint account or displayed upsetting behavior, all this is important as well.

Finally, make copies of important documents like banking information, retirement documents, deeds and titles, insurance paperwork, marriage certificate, your children’s birth certificates and social security cards. These documents will help you secure the benefits you’re entitled to after the divorce.

Redefine your priorities

Going from married to single will require you to turn your focus on things that matter to you. This is the time for you to think about who you are and what you want, apart from what everyone has expected from you for so many years.

“Smart women channel their energies post-divorce into examining their life, their goals, their mistakes and how they can learn from the past… They redefine their priorities and discover what’s meaningful to them,” says Allison Patton of Lemonade Divorce.

Know when to ask for help

It could be pride, or maybe just the overwhelming need to prove to yourself and others that you can do it on your own, but many divorced women find that asking for help is one of the toughest things to do: “Surviving a divorce is hard, but, you don’t have to do it alone. Maintaining social connections and making new friends is especially important for women who divorce after 60,” says Margaret Manning ofSixtyandme.com.

If you don’t get support from friends and family, find a new hobby that allows you to meet new people. If you’re an active person, try rock climbing, or some other adventurous activity. When you try something unfamiliar, you’ll learn a new skill, boost self-confidence. This may even make the divorce process a little easier to manage.

Consider additional sources of income

It’s no secret that divorce will put a strain on your finances. In addition to living on a stricter budget, don’t rule out doing something to generate additional streams of revenue. This could include starting your own business, selling off some old collectibles, or picking up a side job in your spare time.

Learn to savor special moments

You’re going through one of the most emotional and sometimes traumatic events of your life. Find things that make you happy and incorporate them into your life. “I concentrated on being more apt to ‘savor’ things that would make me happy—anticipating a visit with a friend or going to an art gallery, or buying something online and then waiting for a time to open it,” says Peg Streep, with Psychology Today.

Don’t discount the importance of support groups

One of the most valuable resources you can have while going through a divorce is a group where you can share your concerns, fears, and hopes. The concerns of a divorced single in their 60’s are vastly different than the concerns of their younger counterparts. There’s less time to save for retirement and the job market can be much harder to break into, especially if you’ve spent the last 40 years maintaining a home, family finances and suddenly find yourself job hunting.  Look for a support group specific to you and what you’re struggling with, to get the most benefit.

You got this!

The idea of starting over at this point in your life can seem daunting. Remember, you will make it through, but that doesn’t mean it will be easy as you figure it all out. Know that, make peace with that, and use these tips to cope as you get divorced.

https://www.marriage.com/blog/tips/how-to-cope-with-divorce-after-60/

Why making a lot of money won’t necessarily make you happy

A number that has been thrown around in recent years as the ideal salary to aim for is $75,000.

Economist Angus Deaton and psychologist Daniel Kahneman performed a study in 2010 where they determined that it doesn’t matter now much more than this magic salary number you earn — your happiness and satisfaction levels won’t noticeably increase.

Why wouldn’t earning in the six figures make life absolutely fulfilling? Well, it turns out: money isn’t everything. There are plenty of other factors that affect your life satisfaction in any given job.

Here are a few reasons why salary doesn’t necessarily correlate with happiness.

Career success doesn’t always mean more money.

Very often what makes a person happy is the ability to do what they do well and to gain influence, recognition, and job security. Success can mean rising to manage teams or organizations, making an impact, feeling valued in a crucial role for a company, or just knowing that the future is stable. None of these happiness factors necessarily require a high salary.

Experiences matter.

It’s not all about earning and spending, either. Sometimes job satisfaction results from meeting daily challenges head on, or simply trying and learning new things. Jobs that are not satisfying beyond pay day will leave people who crave these more elusive factors feeling empty. Though money can help you buy things in your free time, you won’t be able to enjoy those things without any free time. A career with a punishing schedule certainly won’t allow you the time for many of the experiences outside of the office that constitute a fulfilling life.

People often make the job.

If you thrive on collaborative environments, client-based work, or sales teams, then a job that lacks human interaction can leave you feeling isolated no matter how much it pays. Interacting with other humans is one of those crucial things that help us to feel human, though some people require this more than others.

You have to do what suits you.

Similarly, if you’re a traditional person, you won’t be happy in a well paying gig that thrives on innovation and busting up the status quo. If you’re into science, tech, or data—hard facts and numbers—you won’t do well in a creative gig. If you require the freedom to be creative, you should not languish in a job that requires stifling your most genius ideas.

You might thrive on doing good, not making more.

If you’re an altruistic sort who really needs to make a positive difference in the world, you’d probably hate a high-power, high-paying job that doesn’t serve anything but a few corporate interests and your bank account. A job that allows you to make the world a better place will be infinitely more fulfilling than one that simply earns you a higher salary.

Oversatisfaction isn’t all that great.

If you deny yourself nothing and give yourself all the best of everything all the time—the best food, the finest clothes, the biggest house, the nicest travel perks, the fanciest car—then you’ll lose touch with the simpler pleasures in life. Stuff, especially nice stuff, can be a powerful addiction. But it won’t necessarily make your life a happier one. Being realistic about what is really valuable to you will help you choose the career that best suits you.

Constant chasing isn’t fun.

On a similar note, if your days are just spent trying to make more to be able to afford this or that, chances are you will feel empty in the long run. Ask yourself this tough question: When will you be done and able to sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labor? If the answer is something close to “never,” it might be time to consider a career change, even if you haven’t reached your goal yet. After all, pie-in-the-sky goals will never improve your life if you are miserable during the long process of fulfilling them. Be happy now in a career that truly satisfies you.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/careers/professional-development/2017/11/05/why-making-a-lot-of-money-wont-necessarily-make-you-happy/106964550/

 

 

Tips for Getting the Most out of Marriage Counseling

Engaging in marriage counseling with your partner does not always mean there are troubles within the relationship. Joining forces with your partner and working together in a setting where a third party professional is present, is a great way to strengthen your relationship regardless of any complications. Now that you and your partner are ready to begin marriage counseling, here’s how you both can get the most out of each session with the counselor.

Maintain honesty with your partner and the counselor

As you start your counseling session, go in with an open mind and honest heart. Being honest in the presence of a counselor allows them to hear your concern and give constructive feedback. If you and your partner are struggling with a particular subject, you will want to explain all of your feelings towards the topic, your reactions, and your partner’s reactions. If the counselor asks you a direct question, give them a direct and honest answer. If you give back a wishy-washy answer, you will only see a wishy-washy result in your relationship.

Establish continual engagement during the session

When you begin marriage counseling or couples therapy, you need to make sure that you “show up” to the counseling session. Just because you are sitting in the room does not mean you are mentally present. Showing up means having continuous engagement when the counselor is asking you questions. It is just as important for your partner to hear your words as it is for the counselor to hear them.

But beware, you will want to make sure you do not begin playing the game of following the leader.To break the cycle of following the leader you must take the lead by addressing pertinent issues, owning up to your faults, and avoid falling in line with what the other people in the room are saying. It is never okay to sit back and ride the passive wave.

Drop all defenses and walls

Starting marriage counseling may not have been something you wanted to do. Building walls and putting up your best defense is very easy to do when you go into any situation with a negative attitude. To make strides of improvement with your partner, you need to drop all your defenses and tear down all your walls. A tool to help you tackle this is to write down your faults or the things you may be struggling with before you get into the session. Then, when those areas are brought to light, you will be more prepared and open to speak about them.

Marriage counseling or couples therapy is a way to strengthen your relationship with your partner. Maintaining honesty, having continual engagement, and dropping all walls and defenses during each session will help you and your partner get the most out of marriage counseling. Keeping these tips in mind when you engage in discussion with your partner outside of the counselor’s office will strengthen your relationship even more.

https://www.marriage.com/blog/tips/tips-for-getting-the-most-out-of-marriage-counseling/

A digital one-stop shop for better mental health

As part of the Australian Government’s $4 billion commitment to national mental health reform, a new digital mental health gateway, Head to Health, launched on 7 October.

Head to Health provides a one-stop shop for services and evidenced-based resources, delivered by some of Australia’s most trusted mental health service providers.

It aims to provide people experiencing a mental health condition, Carers who support someone with a mental health condition or health professionals, with better access to information about mental health care.

The website includes: free and low-cost apps, online support communities, online courses and phone support services; allowing people easy access to services that best suits their mental health and wellbeing needs.

Evidence shows that for the one in five working age Australians who will experience a mental health condition each year, digital interventions can be as effective as face-to-face services.

The website encourages people to seek help before they reach a crisis and supports people to make positive changes to their mental health and wellbeing.

For further information on the new digital mental health gateway, please visit the Head to Health website on: www.headtohealth.gov.au

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/connect-with-others/news/news/2017/10/13/a-digital-one-stop-shop-for-better-mental-health